It's been a while since I have written a relationships 101 post. I suppose I've had other things on my mind.

Last night The Mister and I had a video Skype chat (he's out of town). 

It wasn't romantic although parts of it were sweet. It was, however, heartfelt, honest and kind of brutal at times.

We have been together for a little over 3 years now. We got married in June 2011 - it was the most magical day of my life.

I forget sometimes, that I don't know everything about him. 

I act like I know what he is thinking by an expression on his face that then provokes a reaction from within me. And yes, sometimes those assumptions are correct, but sometimes they aren't.

When my assumptions are incorrect a disconnect occurs in our communication. 

I get angry and righteous. He gets irritated and righteous. And then, life becomes not so magical and a great big pain in my butt. In our butts.

If our (3 hour) conversation last night taught me anything it was that there is still a lot to learn about my husband. 

I don't know everything and generally, my assumptions are incorrect. Especially during Mercury Retrograde.

There is a habit The Mister has of coming into my office while I am working and asking me "What are you doing?” - nine times out of ten I reply "I'm on the computer." 

It was my irritating answer to an irritating question.

Only, from his perspective, he wasn't asking me that to be irritating. It was his way of asking whether or not I had time in my day for him.

My assumption lead me to believe he was moving from a space of carelessness about the work that I do, when in all actuality, he was moving from a space of love. Of wanting to share his love with me.

Needless to say I took a moment on the call last night to feel like a total Bitch. 

I still kind of feel that way this morning. 

But the brighter side of things is that question that so often ruined my "in the zone" moment while working will now shine a light on my day.

No longer will I hear an irritating question. Instead, I will hear, "hey babe, I love you."

And that will make all the difference.

I invite you to look at your relationships. Where are you making assumptions about others thoughts or actions? What effect is it having on you?

I have a whole library of Relationship 101 posts if you feel your relationships need some polishing.

If you feel you need a more intimate, one on one experience of relationship renewal, check out my Soul Sessions. 

Also, when you subscribe to my mailing list, you get a free guided meditation that allows you to communicate with a chosen person and clear the air in meditation. Try it out!

Yesterday I wrote a response to a reader who asked How I function in a way that is not dependent upon the circumstances + emotions of others?

Today I am tackling the second part of her question...

I want more sizzling-hot-days in my week? How do I make it happen?

Fortunately my less-than-feelin'-hot days are few + far between lately. Don't get me wrong, they certainly still rear their ugly heads, just less frequently + I know exactly why. 

For the last year or so, I've been practicing how to listen to my body + spirit.
I haven't gotten the technique completely mastered, (especially when it come to food).

But when it comes to my business I feel I have finely tuned into this listening.

So when I answer it, it is almost as if The Universe grants me 3 kick-ass days that flow easily with momentum + grace.

The more you pay attention to what your body, mind + spirit need on a daily basis the more smokin'-hot-days will begin to follow.

Otherwise, your bad days become piled up on top of each other, snowballing down a hill that is sure to land directly on your head + smash you into the ground.

Believe me, I know. + I'm sure you do too.

Listening + answering regularly is important. It's essential.

It's your apple a day to keep the negativity away.

Sometimes when I ask my body what it needs, it tells me rest.

Other times is knowledge, creativity, meditation, clearing, communitcation, writing, acknowledgement, fresh air, movement, friendship, release, celebration - the request vary + my opportunities to answer them are endless.

The important thing to remember here is to ask + then answer. It's that simple.

The more you decide to do this the easier life will become. The more freely your creativity will flow. The happier you will be.

Promise.

To be continued....

Part Three is Coming Tomorrow,
Megan Monique

To get free email updates of you may subscribe here. If you are interested in scheduling a one on one Soul Session of your own take my assessment to see if we are a good match for working together.

I had a lovely reader send in a fantastic Soul Session Question to me a couple of weeks ago. + though I still want to answer it in a video response, I felt it's message needed to be heard in the here + now.

Her email read something like this...
I have a question for you personally but i am sure your answer would be helpful to everyone. I would like to know how do you stay in a good place to be able to stay so positive, do your card readings and your soul sessions, etc., on days that everything is going wrong and you are upset or in a bad mood?

What if something is really upsetting like if you got into a fight with your husband or something.( I did say IF) If it were me I would just be no good that day until things were resolved but that makes me feel like my moods depend on other people and I know that is not right either so i was wondering what do you do to stay in that good place even when things are going wrong?

Thank you for writing me this amazing question.

I feel there are two things you are asking me here...

1. How do I manage to maintain my momentum when I'm having a not-so-hot-day?
2. How do I function in a way that is not dependent upon the circumstances + emotions of others?

How do I function in a way that is not dependent upon the
circumstances + emotions of others?

My good friend Mali Apple, co-author of The Soulmate Experience says that any conflict you are presented with, whether it be a person or a circumstance, may be your greatest teacher.

There are times when certain events or conversations shake me to my core + it takes me a little longer than expected to jump back up on my feet.

But when I am faced with an obstacle, even in a relationship
I know it is there to teach me something.

I allow myself to experience any upset that may be present for me. Letting myself cry, punch a pillow, right a nasty letter that I'll never send or scream + after all of those emotions are released + addressed, I look for what there is to learn.

Although this can be hard to swallow this concept in a fit of rage, it always boils down to being very true. I know this from experience.

I believe the simple awareness of switching your mindset from trying figure out how to solve the "problem" to looking at what there is to learn from the "problem" creates an entirely new way of being + moving through your day.

Even if the "problem" isn't resolved.

Because now, you have become the student instead of the victim. + THAT gives you all the power in the world.

To be continued...

With Love + Devotion,
Megan Monique

Thank you for reading. Please share it with others if you are so inspired. To get free email updates of you may subscribe here. If you are interested in scheduling a one on one Soul Session of your own take my assessment to see if we are a good match for working together.

Expectations create a box around our relationship. 

Nothing goes in, nothing comes out of the relationship box you have created that doesn't match those expectations.

It's really quite limiting. Non-magical. Love-less even. 

Expectations can be released simply by saying 'I am willing to see things with new eyes'. 

From then on - be self-aware of when you tell yourself things about the other person. How he or she is, what they always do, how they be. Those things recreate the past. They limit the possibility of the future & above all else, they rob you of the magic that would otherwise be available. 

: a journey through the Sacral Chakra
Begins October 3rd - October 28th

Find out more here

You've heard it before and so have I, it takes work to be in a relationship. 

Well, it's true. Although, I think when people here that statement they think it means true labor. Like forcing yourself through a doggy door. It ain't pretty. I mean, who really wants to WORK in a relationship- working at anything takes all of the fun out of it. 

For today's Relationship 101 scoop, I'd like you to try on the perception of work [in a relationship] with new meaning. 

You remember all that time you've spent telling your partner that they need to work on things? Well, I'd like you to take that finger and turn it around. (Now it's pointing at you) Take a peak at what YOU can be responsible for. (Note: I'm speaking to myself too in this conversation!) 

Here are few things you can do this week to take responsibility for the romance in your relationship:

• Go on a date and pretend to be different people. Take different cars and everything! (This tip is from the book The Soulmate Experience)
  
• Send an email to your loved one telling them how much you adore them. You could even write a POEM! 
  
• Offer to give them a massage - they'll enjoy it even more when they don't have to ask. 
  
• Cuddle! 
  

What are some of the ways you give back to your loved one in the relationship? 

There's a secret formula I've been using in my life for a good while now & I want to share it with you. 

Yesterday when The Mister came home from work he was in a not-so-hot mood. My initial reaction was to be irritated by his crabbiness & give him an attitude about it. 

But as it was, I found myself having a rather delightful day & I didn't want to stray from my rather-chipper mood. 

So instead, when I was confronted with his irritation I said, what's wrong Babe? He said that he just didn't have that great of a day. & then (this is the gold is) I asked, is there anything I can do to make it better?

He thought about it for a minute and made some suggestions. I ended up making him some lunch, pouring him a beer and just like that - the bad-mood-curse was lifted. 

Bottom Line: If you want something in a relationship or life, you have to be willing to give it first. 

So the next time you find yourself wanting more of something in your relationships or life, look to see how much it you are giving to others. If the answer is not much at all - start taking action! You'll be surprised how fast the turn around rate is. 

I was watching a Marie Forleo video on Tuesday (always brilliant). 

Marie was answering the question of how do I know which opportunities to pursue when there are so many good ones coming my way? 

She said an important question to ask when pursuring any new avenue is..

Although I had heard this before, & often suggested it my Soul Session clients -  it hit a special chord for me in that moment. 

Right now my goal is to have a smokin' hot bod. I've had this goal before. Many times before in fact & it's never actually happened. 

Partially because of my perception of self & partly because I've never done CONSISTENT work to achieve this goal. 

More on that later... (I'll be writing a blog post series about my body relationship for The Soulmate Experience soon.)

Lately, to improve my relationship with my body - before I put something in my mouth (funny joke about that in Marie's video ) or choose not to move my bod, I ask - will this help me achieve my goal? 

This simple question is helping me be present to the choices I am making and whether they are helping me or hindering me. 

So far I've lost the 5 lbs. I gained on vacation and that feels really good. 

What are you pursuing right now? What is your ultimate goal here? Before you take anymore actions, ask yourself will this contribute to me achieving my goal? Then take action accordingly.

This morning I had planned on going to my Soul Sister's meetup SacredSexyBiz by Lisa Carmen - we were going to be talking about manifesting our dreams. 

I was looking forward to diving into the topic & meeting up with yet another Soul Sister - the fabulous, Jen Land (who I met through ROOTED the eCourse in May). 

But as timing would have it - I choose not to invest my time money into the event at this moment seeing as though we are heading to Lake Tahoe in less than a week. 

When I called Jen to share the disappointing news the most miraculous thing happened...

First, she offered to pay for my lunch & said I could catch her on the flip side. 

She musted have sensed that I still had some hesitation around saying YES! - so she said in the most genuinely, loving tone with complete sincerity, 

I mean WHOA. I can't remember the last time I called to cancel something & didn't feel an overwhelming sense of guilt or sadness.

Jen gave me the space to make my own choice. To choose what is best for me - no strings attached to her own personal experience. 

It was a sensational moment for me & our newly founded friendship, to say the least. We ended the conversation with no decision made & an I love you. 

I feel so blessed. 

I want you to think about your relationships. When you have plans with someone & they get switched around, do honor what is best for your friend in the situation or your own desires? 

For me personally, my first reaction is about what I want & how sad I am that it's not going my way. 

But after being slapped in the face with love & kindness from Jen today & experiencing how good it felt to be supported in what was best for me - free of the guilt trip, apologizing, etc. 

I can't imagine offering the people in my life anything else. 

This is me committing to put the inidividuals best interest before my own. What a profound way of being. 

Thank you Jen for sharing this new lease on life - for whatever reason it hadn't occurred to me this powerfully before. 

I appreciate you giving me the space to experience what uncondtional love & support look like in a friendship.

I have some good news & some bad news. 

(Shared with me from Mali of The Soulmate Experience)

I have friend who I have known for more than 6 years. For the majority of our relationship we spoke several times a week, if not daily. We supported one another with everything we were going through, the good and the bad. The nice and the ugly. The fun stuff and the tear-jerkers. 

& then, as if black magic took action - the relationship that I had grown to love,  vanished into thin air. 

I miss her. I still love her & mostly - I just don't understand. 

Of course there are cirrcumstances that play into this senario - but I don't want to put an emphasis on the story. 

The story is where the heartache lives. The story is where us humans (myself included) tend to get carried away. 

At this moment, I have no solid grasp on exactly what it is I am to learn from this separation. But I do know that in every struggle there is something to learn. Something for our character to gain. & if this is true. 

Then this life-lesson is gonna be a WHOPPER for me! 

So I extend the invitation to you. 

What is available for you to learn there? What can you learn about yourself in this situation instead of pointing the finger? Try it out. Share. 

& I will do the same. 

I know you've heard it before, but it's true - nothing else matters or exists at any given time, other than this moment. This statement can be especially valuable in our relationships. 

It's more common than not, & much easier to move from a space of what was, wasn't or has been than what is NOW in any relationship. 

Much of how we react & respond to our partners can be from a place of what happened days, weeks, moments, months -even YEARS ago instead of what is true for us in this moment. 

Thinking of how to respond differently can be overwhelming & sometimes seem impossible to say the least. Especially when we have been doing it one way our entire lives. 

I want you take a moment to try out this idea. 
From my experience moving from a place of intention creates magic. Where as moving from a place of past creates turbulence. 

Choose an intention for your relationship (romantic, friendships, family, co-workers, anyone & everyone) & allow the magic to show up in your lives. 

Here are a few examples to look at:

• I am open & willing to see my partner through the energy & love of The Universe instead of my own judgement critisism. 
  
• The intention & purpose of our being together is to give, have & be love. To experience it on every level with one another. Inside & out. 
  
• My soul-purpose for being committed to our relationship is to inspire others & each other to be the very best version of ourselves. 
  

You don't have to stay with one intention or have your intention be a full sentence. You can choose a different one each morning when you wake up if that catches your fancy! 

You can also have the your combine intention be something like love, passion or integrity. The only important factor is that the choosen intention lights your internal flame & makes you come alive with excitement. 

The next time you feel the pressure of a relationship weighing down on you, check in with yourself & ask if you are moving from the past or from the current space of intention? 

Allow the weight to lift & the magic to take its place.